On the subject of love.

The other day, I was watching Reign, and I kept noticing how the characters were always talking about love in its romantic sense, saying how this and that person deserved to marry someone they loved. Also, the prince was declaring his love for Queen Mary, promising that he would be there for her always. I began to wonder, was this really how they talked about love in the 16th century? Or rather, have they taken our modern view of love and applied it on a tale where it does not really make sense, so that it may suit the contemporary taste?

Upon googling the subject, I found a very interesting article in Swedish, and it is all about how our behaviours and our views concerning love have changed through the ages. Nowadays, our culture is completely obsessed with the notion of romantic love. Paradoxically, the article states, while we are praising romantic love as never before, it is becoming increasingly difficult for it to survive. This is because of the expectations we have on that other person, to fulfil needs that romantic love are not actually meant to fulfil. There are other kinds of love that are important in life, such as the love of a child, or the love of a close friend. Furthermore, there are needs that may be fulfilled by a reliance on a higher power. In the old days, everyone believed in God, whereas in the culture of today, romantic love is idolised, and we are taught to think that we are in need of another person to save us.

Reading the article, it dawned on me just how much of my personal expectations in the area of romantic love that have been influenced by this way of thinking. I will go as far as to say I have been brainwashed. I remember when I was eleven years old, how I dreamed of finding that perfect guy, thinking that if I did, everything from that day on would automatically be a ball. Only much later on, did it occur to me that I needed to learn to love myself first. And that there were other things, beside romantic love, that mattered in life.

But even though I stopped waiting around for prince charming on a white horse to come around and save me, I kept having these unreasonably high expectations, and it invariably ended in disappointment. What I did not realise at the time, was that I was still placing my sense of personal wellbeing, of feeling safe and protected, in the hands of another human being. I needed to get that feeling from something else.

In time, in moments of feeling lost and insecure, I began to turn to a higher power. I started to believe everything happens for a reason, even if I may not be able to tell right away what that reason is. I now try to rely on that higher power to guide me through life, having faith that if I do, things will turn out for the best. I have some friends who do not believe in a higher power, but who get that sense of wellbeing from the strong connection of a group of fellow humanbeings, and by applying some basic principles that give them a sense of direction.

It is a work in progress, of course. The article reminded me of just how difficult it is to let go of the unreasonable expectations of romantic love, when our culture is constantly placing emphasis on it, making it out to be the cure-all!

Pic: here