How to move forward in an imperfect world

When reading about how I used to be able to focus my energy in order to achieve things, it makes me feel a bit sad. If I am where I am today, it is not from the lack of trying. However, there are tasks in life that are too monumental. Where you invest so much of your energy, at the end of the day, there is not much left. And there are times when you are given no choice but to keep on fighting, long after you have lost your spirit.

There once was a girl who had life before her. Dreams still paving her road forward. Possibilities awaiting at every corner. Now she is an old woman. At least, that is what she feels like. What happened? It seems she just blinked, and suddenly her youth had passed her by.

Heavy stuff.

In today's society, so much is asked of us. As a woman, you are supposed to take care of a family and have a career at the same time. At home, it is usually the woman that takes on the heavier load. It does not happen by choice, we have been conditioned that way. In society, the things that seem to matter most are the things you can achieve. In order to prove your worth, you are supposed to work hard. Pay your way. But what if the system is not fair? What if the people who work the hardest are often the ones that are barely getting by?

And when was it decided it was written in the stars, that everyone must work full time? In a world where there is not even work for everyone any longer, why do we keep spending our resources on trying to keep people "in line"? Why is it we do not trust people to find their own way? To be creative? To perhaps find new ways of living, that maybe our planet could benefit from?

I will tell you one thing - this planet cannot take much more of this so-called "growth". The economic growth is destroying the planet that we live on. Yet there are resources that could be shared. There could be enough for everyone, if we just changed our perspective. I believe consumerism is not the answer. The answer lies within. Within souls, that are longing for freedom. The freedom to express themselves.

Yet here I am. I am a woman who has had to struggle hard in this world, to raise my son all by myself, while also working hard in order to pay the bills. Now, I am spent. How do I move on from here?

I try to nurture myself. Rest whenever I can. Eat healthy, while not being too hard on myself. I work out a little bit, every day. I practice yoga/breathing/relaxation. Go for walks in the forest, or by the lake. Bit by bit, I try to regain my energy.

I still have hopes and dreams, and maybe one day I can achieve them. So much depends on circumstances that are beyond my control. I cannot change the system by myself, but I have to believe change is possible, if I just try to follow my truth.

Where will I go from here?

All my idealistic views are gone

Have you ever felt... like your soul is tired? Like you have been crying on the inside for so long, now you cannot even put on a brave face?

I have no more illusions about what I can achieve. I'm just spent.

Lights are out. (My son took this picture.)